i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
