One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
