hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
