Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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