Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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