guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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