I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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