I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
