We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
