we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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