you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
