1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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