I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
