She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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