you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
