i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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