onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
