We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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