I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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