you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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