half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
