we made out on top of his cat.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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