this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
areolas are like halos for boobs.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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