Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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