i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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