none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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