She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
