did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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