Moan for me like Helen Keller
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
