Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
