I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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