Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
