you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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