If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
