is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
