Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize