I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
