You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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