The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
