First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
