Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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