You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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