The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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