I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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