...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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