I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
