I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
