just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
