just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
