a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
