wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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