So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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