the condom got lost in my hair
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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