At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize