Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
