its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
