Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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