Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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