Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
