if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Houston, we have a squirter
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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