hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
