You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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