dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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