goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
