i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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