so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
