Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
