I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
