I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize