is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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