So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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