my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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