Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
