Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
as a side note pls kill me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
