i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
