i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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