I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
