I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
