shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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