when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize