He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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