that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
