considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
