so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
