my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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