so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
