Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
