He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
