i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
