i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
