Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
