for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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