Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
