Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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